October 31, 2011

blurry polaroid, clear weakness.

[Let thy personal weakness, O Christian, be an argument to make thee pray earnestly to thy God for help. Remember, David when he felt himself to be powerless, did not fold his arms or close his lips, but he hastened to the mercy-seat with "renew a right spirit within me." ] C.H Spurgeon

Oh Jesus make me weak. Renew a right spirit within me. I'm a take charge kind of girl. I love to fix things. I want to fix people, and circumstances, I get awkward without a to-do list and angry without a clear direction laid out. If you want to see the nasty side of Als put me in a room with a bunch of indecisive hungry people trying to pick a place to eat. I've been known to verbally give some people the smack down. 

One of my many flaws is that I'm someone who doesn't need other people. I don't need their opinions or approval.  Not that I don't struggle with fear of man, because I do, that's a whole other blog post. But when it comes down to it I'm arrogant and I don't see my weakness. (this attitude makes for a terrible friend)  If I'm not seeing my weakness I don't see my need of community and relationships, and I certainly don't see my need for a Savior. 

Oh Father forgive my proud, self seeking, self glorifying heart. There have already been moments today where I have made a choice that said, I don't care. A decision that was just dripping in self reliance.  Forgive me for so often crossing my arms and closing my lips. Trying to suck it up and move on rather then stoping, acknowledging  my weakness, worshiping you, praising you, and praying to you for strength. You are the Living God. I'm weak, help me to remember that. 

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