October 20, 2011
Yesterday I felt so small. If you've never felt that I'm sorry, because to me it's one of the best feelings in the world. Typically it happens when you're standing on the edge of a epic cliff or climbing a mountain, or standing next to the sea or something dramatic like that. But yesterday it happened at the park with my dog Jen.
Mabel had been a miserable beast and hit snooze about 6 times (which I can honestly say, almost NEVER happens). So I was standing at the park letting Jen be the wild beast that she is. With my eyes closed , still wishing I could be sleeping. Standing in the park with my eyes closed everything just started spinning. I heard every little thing around me. Dogs barking, birds chirping, kids crying, cars honking. I thought about everything lately that's been swirling in my head on repeat. Everything that's been overwhelming me, drowning me, consuming me.
Then the Lord stopped me dead in my tracks. And for two minutes everything slowed down. I realized how incredibly small I am, how incredibly all knowing and gigantic God is. How simple my needs are for Him and how willing and able He is to help me. I just had this image of God the Father sitting there holding my head up against His shoulder saying, "Als it's okay this is too big for you. Just rest. I will do what I've promised."
Then last night I got a very timely email from a friend that brought me to tears. It's funny to me how when God wants you to get something He has a way of making it very clear. She wrote,
[I do know what it is to feel like He's forgotten His promises. To be in a season of waiting, to feel His hand on your shoulder saying be still child. Don't move, you're in my holding pattern. Try not to shake His hand off and make it happen! His hand is restraining for now out of Love, out of Goodness. Our God embodies goodness, even though I know, sometimes it looks otherwise.]
[Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.] Psalm 100
Thank you timely emails.
Thank you lovely friends.
Thank you God for showing me that you are not hiding your will. You're making it very clear... Even if I don't like it.
Thank you for letting me feel small today.