I know I can get people to like me, for the most part my track record is pretty good. The list of people that probably hate me is pretty short. If I try, I can be witty, thoughtful, and a pretty fun person. I'm good with kids, I can cook a decent meal, I can throw a successful party. (and no this isn't a eHarmony account profile.)
But what scares me to the point of loosing sleep at night is that none of that stuff matters in light of eternity. God doesn't care if I can make a room full of people laugh. Or if I can get through all the churchy Sunday morning lingo with ease and grace. He certainly doesn't care how many 'likes' my Instagram got or how many friends I have.
And when you peel away all the stuff that the world says makes you "you". You realize you stand before God pretty empty handed and helpless. This is where I find myself struggling so frequently to fully believe that God loves me, that he could possibly love this tornado of disorder and failure. This is where things get really beautiful and really messy.
When I'm told Jesus died for all my sin, all my failure I'm left with a choice. I can come empty handed and unimpressive, to the Father, and receive his love, just as I am. Or I can reject it.
So even though I can't understand why all the time, I take a step of faith and come, empty handed. Even when I can't believe it, or my heart doesn't want to believe it. All I need to do is look at the testimony of God's faithful love for me through his birth, life, death and resurrection. That is love.
It's a love that says 'come'.
It's a unprejudiced love.
It's the love of a Father to orphan kids.
It's the sweetest love that never leaves you wanting.
It's a love that restores and heals
Its a love that spills out from you and effects people around you.
It's selfless love.
It's a love that frees
It's a love that redefines my tiny little version of love.
It's a love that enables me to love.
It's a perfect love.
It's a love for me.
That blows my mind. That's a love I can't understand. But it's a love worth trying and failing to understand for the rest of my life.