October 9, 2013

Even when

[Even when it seems the answer's no

The promises of God all find their Yes
In Christ who worked the Father's will below
That all who run to him would find their rest

And even when it seems he hides his face
And darkness seems to be our only friend
We look to Christ who suffered in our place
That one day all our suffering would end

And even when it seems he pays no mind
We have a guarantee of his great love
In Christ who came and left his crown behind
That one day we would reign with him above

Lord, we believe
But help our unbelief
Lord, we believe
But help our hearts to sing

That you are good, all of the time
All of the time, you are good
You are good all, of the time
Your are good
Lord, you are good]

God is Good- Dustin Kensue

Father this morning my hearts breaking for the heart break that's surrounding friends and family near and far. Those who are struggling to fight the grip of depression or the empty, numb, feeling of death. Those waiting on phone calls with scan results or good news. Those who have lost jobs, need jobs, or are battling mental health. For the ones that can't get out of bed today, because they are so riddled with pain.

You are near to the broken hearted, closer then I could ever be. I want to help and hand out bandaids but these people don't need a quick fix. They need you, they need grace for today. They need strength to lift their eyes to you.

[By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host. He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap; he puts the deeps in storehouses. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.]

You commanded the ocean and it was still. You spoke and the heavens were created. I can't even understand the stars, you created them. You are holding everything perfectly in place, your hands never shaking, never wavering. You give strength to the weak and courage to broken. You restore and you heal. I pray for patience and understanding while you redeem in your perfect timing. I pray for boldness to cling to your promises and proclaim your goodness. Father with confidence I look forward to the day I'm standing in heaven, looking at how you worked all these circumstances out for your glory. I can't wait for the day we're united and made whole again. Your restoration process is so much more complex and beautiful than I could ever imagine. Until that day, I pray for grace and thank you for today, knowing that you are good.

Even when you can't force a smile. Even when your baby is laying in a hospital bed. Even when your church is collapsing. Even when your job falls out from underneath you. Even when you peel yourself off a loved one and say goodbye. Even when you don't have the words to say anything. Even when your heart gets broken. Even when you watch your family dissolve. Even when you don't know why. Even when the phone doesn't ring. God is good. 

October 7, 2013

[it's not enough]

Father forgive me for holding onto my stuff too tightly. For clinging to conversations, empty words and or hurtful actions. Forgive me for constantly trying to redefine my life by my accomplishments, my job title, or how I'm "doing". Forgive me for repeatedly going to empty wells expecting to be filled. For wandering and making lame excuses for why I lack joy or why I'm too busy for people. Forgive me for where I've cancelled you out of the equation, where I’ve been living dangerously deceived that my works are enough.

Though all the wealth of men was mine to squander
And towers of ivory rose beneath my feet
Were palaces of pleasure mine to wander
The sum of it would leave me incomplete

Though every soul would hold my name in honor
And truest love was always by my side
My praises sung by grateful sons and daughters
My soul would never still be satisfied

Though I could live for all to lift them higher
Or spend the centuries seeking light within
Though I indulged my every dark desire
Exhausting every avenue of sin

It’s not enough, it’s not enough
I could walk the world forever
Till my shoes were filled with blood
It’s not enough, it’s not enough
I could right all wrongs, or ravage
Everything beneath the sun
It’s not enough, it’s not enough
Though all would bow to me
Till I could drink my fill of fear and love
It’s not enough, it’s not enough

[It’s not enough – Dustin Kensrue]

Father I'm so thankful you tell us to come lay aside any weight. Just to come and be clean, be restored. It's because you sent your son for me I can come boldly to the table as the overachiever, control freak that I am and all you see is your daughter, your prodigal. I pray for eyes to see my sin more clearly and to be broken by it. It's only then that I can really experience your grace, grace to change and grow. I pray that the more I push into you the more I can push into loving others. So father thank you for the limbo. Thank you for your Holy Spirit and for revealing more and more. For reminding me that all my mess was paid for at the cross. All my works are filthy rags none are enough to save my soul.