November 29, 2011
It's been a couple days since I've had the chance to write. I was in Portland for the weekend for a friends wedding. I haven't been sleeping very well, so I thought in order to spare any readers from the horror of sleepless Als I should avoid writing. But I'm back in the swing of real life and here is my attempt at jumping back into writing. If I'm being honestly haven't been reading the Word as much as I need to be. No sermons, no blog posts. I've been running on Als fuel. Its running low. I'm feeling a little dry. So I'm just going to pray...
Father, this morning the reality is that for the past week it's been a struggle to read your word. I read it but it's just like I'm reading the newspaper, or even worse, a really old, familiar, story. It's not effecting my heart. Nothings changed, you are still faithful, I'm still a sinner that needed a Savior. Your gospel remains glorious, but my heart has grown distant. I'm sitting here whining about my thirst, all the while sitting next to the fountain of life. It is encouraging to see growth in this area...a few months ago this would have taken so much longer to get here. I would have been wandering the Sahara, collapsing in a heap before I would think... 'Hmmm what's wrong here'. So Father, first of all, thank you for making me aware of my thirst, that is a sign in itself that you are warming my heart. Thank you for sending your son to die for my sin so that I never have to be thirsty again. Rejoice my soul, rejoice.
Looking at things this morning my hearts desire is for change. I don't exactly know what that looks like. I think it practically means, listening to a sermon in the car on the way to work, or reading Spurgeon alongside your Word... Something that puts glorious old truths in new light. It means praying my face off, praying for the little things and the big things, and acknowledging my need for you in every aspect of my life. I think it practically means slowing down, saying no, taking time. I'm learning that if I'm not putting anything in, I don't have anything left to give. How can I encourage a friend who's battling depression when I want to put my head through a wall? How do I make a meal for someone when I forget to eat lunch? How can I care for someone's soul when my own is being neglected? Father you want my soul. If I bring that to you, thirsty, you are faithful to quench it and care for it. Then you'll show me where I need to go from there. I may not be doing everything, but thankfully you still are.