mr owen

[All our troubles and distress are God's means to make us more and more like his Son. (For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Rom 8:29) They help us to have a deeper sense of the vileness of sin as God see's it. Troubles are used by God to discipline and correct his children, as such, they are not to be despised (Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. Heb 12:3-11). Troubles help us to rely less and less on created things for our comfort and to rejoice more in the things of Christ (But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Gal.6:14.) Troubles help us to kill our lusts or corrupt desires. We are delivered more and more from the pollutions of sin and are made more and more holy, as he is holy (So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Cor 4:16). Troubles are God's ways of drawing out from us all the graces of the Spirit in order that they may be constantly and diligently exercised.] John Owen

111:10

[The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever.]  Psalms 111:10

Oh LORD teach me what it means to fear you. Tonight I feel small and unworthy and incapable of coming to you. Lacking wisdom and certainty in how to approach your throne. But like the children in Matthew that you drew towards you I feel you bidding me come. Your calling me to come boldly before your throne of grace. Tonight this Psalm speaks so loudly to my weak, undeveloped, immature, lack of wisdom. Father, you triumph over my inability, you died for that immaturity. You sent your son to pay the price that could never be paid and to bridge the gap to you, the Father, so that I may come and worship. Tonight I'm pleading  for more and more of you. Reading through the tail end of the Psalms tonight I'm overwhelmed and undone by the repetitive compilation of stories of your faithfulness. 

LORD as I spend some specific time in the next day and a half to press into you I'm so aware of my weakness. But I know you give grace to the humble, strength to the weak, courage to the downcast and peace to the restless. I pray that it will be a time of quieting my soul and listening for your voice.  I pray it will be a time of acknowledging my dependance and desperation. I pray it would be a time of rich prayer. As I think about so many individuals you've put a weight on my heart to pray for, give me the words to pray and speak loudly to my soul. 

Thank you for your Holy Spirit and thank you that you are stronger then my stubbornness or my hard heartedness. Thank you for being faithful to get after my heart so I see my need to get after you. 

I come to you so aware that I can't come to you on my own. (or something like that right David?) So in your mighty and sovereign name, Amen. 

deconstruction allows reconstruction.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:26).

One of the most beautiful things in scripture to me is that the Lord fills up His Old and New Testament with broken, sinful people. He loves to use those people sending them forward to fulfill His plan. It's something I absolutely cannot wrap my head around. He repeatedly uses broken people to contrast His Love. Christ's perfect love vs the weak, fickle, love of man. This does two things for my soul. 

1. It frees me from the lies and bondage of the enemy that my ability to love is determined through my own sheer will and determination. 

2. After being set free it allows me  to love and pursue Christ and others knowing that my broken, incomplete love will be made perfect through Him. 

Reading scriptures like this one, [be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.] Eph 6:10 Cause my heart to rejoice and position myself under this...
[Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.] 2 Cor:9-10

Father this morning I'm so aware of how flawed my ability to love is. The only person I've talked to this morning is the Barista. Frankly Lord, my sinful heart likes it that way. Loving people with a genuine love is difficult thing for me to do, especially when I'm in a situation where I can pull the offense card. Rid my heart of all my strategies and plans, all my offense and my hurt. Help me to love like you. The idea of being freed from this weight of obligation and duty is one that I can hardly grasp.

Father, completely knock down walls I've built to manage and maintain relationships and offenses. In your strength, help me see when the building process begins. I don't feel the mixing of the cement and the stacking of the bricks anymore. I can't see the walls growing, open my eyes Father, knock them down so that nothing prohibits me coming freely to you so that you can take this little broken, weak, fragile heart and make it whole, strong, and renewed, for your glory.

Amen. 

I said maybe.

A friend emailed this to me yesterday. Paul Tripp said it better then I ever could.

[Waiting on God isn’t about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It’s part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn’t to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn’t simply about what I’ll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I’ll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He’s promised. Through the wait He’s changing me. By means of the wait He’s altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He’s causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands]

Amen

safe and secure.

[I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul, and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.] Psalm 31

Father it's crystal clear in your word that we should be joyful people.  So if we're created to be rejoicing worshipers why do I so often find myself enslaved to something that is sucking the joy from me? Like a leech that latches on to the skin I find something in creation that gives me a fleeting joy, a momentary flicker of happiness or excitement and I go after it.

There is a problem... Theses things were never created to become my main source of joy and pleasure. That is not how they were designed, they are not capable of supporting my needs and they will never fufill. They are temporary and they leave me feeling empty and depressed. A.W Tozer paints a accurate image when he says,[We may plead for mercy for a lifetime in unbelief, and at the end of our days be still no more than sadly hopeful that we shall somewhere, sometime, receive it. This is to starve to death just outside the banquet hall in which we have been warmly invited.]

Father I don't want to be starving outside the banquet hall door anymore. You've reserved a place for me and my foods getting cold. You've removed every obstacle that sepearated me from feasting with you. You've adopted this soul, you've rescued me. 

So rejoice soul, rejoice. Get up off the floor and come to the table. You've been bought with a price, you are loved by the Father. He's welcoming you to come back again, feast at His table and be content, find satisfaction and rest in your status in Him. Rejoice despite of suffering, rejoice despite various of trials and hardships. Rejoice when people offend you, rejoice when people attack you, rejoice when you don't know what to do next. Rejoice because whatever comes your status in heaven is secure and your joy cannot be taken from you. 

You've set my feet in a broad place. My joy is secure.  

Weaving redemption

[1 The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. 2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit. 3 Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.] Proverbs 16 

Father this morning I'm aware of two things. Firstly, my need to commit my work to you. Secondly, my unwillingness to do so.  My head knows the truth of your word, I've tasted the sweet flavor of your mercy and grace promised to me. But oh how my soul loves the things of this earth more then creator. Mostly I love control, I convince myself that despite your sovereign ability to know everything and rich promise to weave every good and sinful thing delicately together in my life for your glory. Despite the fact that you love me and are pleading with me to stop trying to do this by myself. 

Father keep my heart from believing lies. The enemy is very present today, quick to whisper lies in my ear and breathing doubt on my neck. I need you to be quicker then his deceitful ways. I need you to show me again your Sovereign nature and keep me from forgetting the truth in your scripture. Like Jeremiah says,  "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." 

Father it's 8am and I'm already feeling the weariness of fighting doubt and temptation. You tell me that I'm fighting a war, waves of discouragement and exhaustion are sure to come. Help me remember I'm not fighting this alone and you give me every weapon, every grace, every second of energy I need. Help me feast on the attributes of you. Help me see the smiling face of God behind difficult situations and see hope in the hopeless job of picking up some very shattered relationships. Keep writing stories of redemption that will send this weary soul running back to Father's arms.

All these things I commit to you and fall at your feet, receiving the Grace you've set aside for me. 

In your holy and mighty redeeming name, Amen

power made perfect through weakness

[1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. 3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.] Psalm 63

Father, it's been a while since I was desperate. It's been a while since I felt the devastation of relying on my own strength. That crippling burden that prevents another step forward. In your Sovereignty, this week has given me no other option than to see that need. Today all I can do is fall on my knees and wait for you. 

You are the the master surgeon, and I've made a habit of slapping band aids on some pretty devastating wounds. This robs you of Glory and continues to remove myself from possible rescue. I'm crippling under the weight of my sin and slipping in and of the security of your truth. In the middle of this bloody scene, amidst the denial and failing, my loving Father meets me in my need. You take the weight from my shoulders and administer the needed medications. Then you get to work on restoring this broken child. 

How quick I am to forget the restoration process you're doing in my life. How quick I am to get up off my knees and take up the same burdens. Keep me at the cross Father. Keep me humble, keep me desperate. Keep my heart from believing the lies that I can do this in my own strength. Help me to desire nothing else then to be always secure at the feet of your blood stained cross. Be patient with your children Father, this one especially is prone to wander, and prone to leave the God she loves. So take my heart and seal it for thy courts above. In your name, Amen.