September 29, 2011
bring your own tea.
Last night after a mixture of listening to (I admit) maybe a few too many Taylor Swift songs and listening to myself rather than talking to myself; I let myself slip into a bitter, cynical, doom and gloom mood about some situations happening in my life. Some big, some small.... They became my focus.
I could identify with the man in Mark 9 when he cries out... "Lord I believe, help my unbelief" although I was far from that desperate cry. I was truly enjoying swimming in my pool of doubt. Is Christ capable of full reconciliation? Yes. Is Christ capable of full healing? Yes. Have I seen too much of it...No. Do I believe he WILL do it? No. My head and heart were very far apart last night.
Then I got a simple text message from a friend gave me a shot of perspective. They challenged me to get to know Christ better, look at Him, learn from Him, understand Him, then you'll want to love Him and trust Him. "And when we see Him rightly, trusting Him won't be a issue. Perhaps we have one eye on Him and one is on ourselves and it's screwing up our vision of Him." I can try to make all the excuses for myself in the world but that is truth. A bigger, longer, more in depth look at Christ fixes all ailments and emotional lows. Christ is Lord over those things and will faithfully rule over them graciously. I can't turn to other things to try to fix myself. I can't fix myself at all. Christ has already died for those things. He's already atoned for my sins. Jeremiah 17:8 [He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.] I do not need to be anxious I need only look longer, harder, and more frequently to my Savior. He is faithful to heal, faithful to save, faithful to reconcile, faithful to give good gifts to His children.
Also this video made me cry. Jesus forgive me for becoming comfortable with my faiths marriage to the world. Forgive me for excusing sin. Give me anguish in my soul so that I can love you more. Jesus you use desperate people. Make me desperate.