December 6, 2012

Outwardly rich, inwardly dying.

"So we do not lose heart. fThough our outer self4 is wasting away, gour inner self his being renewed day by day. 17 For ithis light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 jas we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Too often as Christians, we feel the need to fake, fudge, or push our way through trials and struggles rather then being transparent. We choose to live outwardly rich, inwardly dying lives. But when we do this we fail to see all the people around us, people just like us, fighting the same things.

Too often I look at my own heart and say, "Come on! You're still here, still fighting? " or,  "You've given up, you're lukewarm, apathetic!". How quickly do I feel lonely? Isolate myself? Beat myself up over my failures? Choke on memories of failed friendships, feel the sting of regret regarding far too many harsh words? How often do I wallow in my brokenness. Marinating in bitterness, ashamed, alone and all the while secretly loving it.

Father I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this pathetic attempt to "be okay" through this desert like season. I look around at people I love and I see them dragging their feet in the sand along with me and I'm asking you to forgive me! Forgive us, for a lack of faith! For a lack of trusting your sustaining grace in our lives. For loading up our camels and confidently saying "Lord, I can get there alone." Forgive where I've been hardened and become bitter towards you. Forgive us for heaping expectation and hope on things that will not last. Forgive us for believing that we can keep our heads down and wait out this storm. I know you're a loving Father that welcomes and more than that, runs and greets with a celebration, his younger and elder prodigals home. It's either pride or discouragement, so Father help us hear your voice calling out to us saying, "Come in out of the storm, I'm enough for you." And help us lives live that's proudly proclaim how broken and loved we are by a rich, gracious Father. 

Hallelujah that no matter how lukewarm, tired, burnt out, I am you never change. Your love, grace and mercy don't ever falter, you never get thrown off or surprised by anything. You never change your mind or loose traction. You don't trip, fall or even stumble. Your hand is steady and just. You love your children and paid the ultimate price so that we could call you Father and attempt to glorify you with our lives. Help me today to remember who you are and what you've done more then how i've failed. But when those thoughts come, and oh how timely they roll into the forefront of my brain, I pray that they would only make me more aware of you. 

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