Running scared.

I've been running scared. So consumed by my need for acceptance and love from others that it's weighing me down and making my trek back to the cross of Christ, a long one. All this week the Lord's been dropping not so subtle hints that my desperate need for acceptance has been directed towards creation and not The Creator. Secondary things and relationships were fighting and winning my affections. I've been consumed with fear of what others are thinking of me. It's led me to the point of manipulation and a willingness to twist the truth, it's lead me to forsake time with the Lord and put on a show of serving in order to receive a certain stamp of approval. Completely consumed by fear of rejection I ended up empty, exhausted, and frustrated.

C.S Lewis wrote, "When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall not be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased."

However, when second things become first things, first things become suppressed and we dangerously teeter on an unbalanced, shaky foundation lacking true joy and satisfaction.

Edward Welch says it this way, "We prefer to be the king rather than serve the King. But if we serve the King, our desire to be loved could not outdistance our commitment to love others in his name. Our own approbation would seem almost meaningless, irrelevant. REJECTION WOULD HURT, BUT IT WOULDN'T SIDETRACK US FROM OUR MISSION OF LOVE."

Father, help my heart to be more focused on my mission of loving others. Guard my heart from seeking approval and acceptance from man. My greatest need has been met. Help me to ignore hurtful words, be quick to forgive and quick to speak words of truth in love, instead of an intentional, sarcastic jab. Limit my vision to only seek the approval of my heavenly Father. For then love will be quick on my tongue and evident in my actions.

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."

lead me to the cross.

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen!
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross


Father, the weight of today hit me sitting in Starbucks, near the end of this busy Easter weekend. I've been so preoccupied this weekend "doing" getting so caught up in the immediate needs of the multiple services, attention to details and busying myself with tasks. I know my desire to work for your affection, I would much rather you give me a to do list, ways I can help my salvation or make you love me more. Father tonight I'm so aware of my inability to do any of those things. Father, Rid me of myself, lead me to the Cross, you died for me, forgave me, adopted me, welcomed me. I can't do anything, everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost. "He is not here, he has Risen."

Father, thank you.