Your will, not mine. That's a prayer I have prayed many times. Growing up submerged in church culture, incredibly familiar with the trending new Hillsongs album and the messages on living your life for Christ, the exhortation from Paul run the race with endurance. I'm not old by any means, but I have been around the track a few times. There have been times where I boldly claim, "Your will not mine." It's typically coming off of a spiritual high where I feel like nothing can touch me, "to live is Christ! To die is gain!" A successful missions trip or a passionate prayer meeting, stir up an eager expectation or excitement about what the Lord can do.
But the longer I run this track I see that you can't prepare for the stabbing cramps that creep up your sides, or the bitter wind that burns in your chest and stings your eyes. The pure exhaustion that takes over your body. Those moments when the idea of endurance seems like a far fetched wives tale. You're out of options, your months of planning and training are all worthless You've been backed into a corner of desperation and it comes out in almost a whisper, "Father, I can't do this, your will not mine." God, you are faithful father, you strengthen and give courage to the weak. No matter how convincing my failing body may be you will not let me fall. You are the life giving creator, orchestrating every detail, every breath, no matter how shallow or weathered.
Father, lead me to the cross, show me your love, your sacrifice, your fulfillment of every promise you ever made. Help me get my eyes off my circumstances and onto your son. The sacrifice you made so that I can have relationship with you. Father, make me a needy person, make me dependent on you for strength for the day, for every breath, for every step, for every mile, looking to you, the gracious God.
[Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine. Season by season I watch him amazed, in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways I can't remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain. I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me]
