raspberry coffee & wandering worship.

It never fails to amaze me how Jesus uses the most unlikely things for His Glory. It never fails to amaze me how He never grows weary of bringing me back.  It never fails to amaze me how Christ uses things in my life to become magnifiers of His grace. I wander, I worship, I wander, I worship.

You are Lord. You will be praised, you will be glorified. It doesn't matter if I care, or if I say... I don't need you. Even when I stamp my feet and close my fists. Even when I collapse in a pile of what I like to call justified anger. Oh Lord its not justified, I don't have the right to stand before you and demand things. Like a small child arguing logic over a piece of candy with their very patient parent at the grocery store. You will win, and you will end up picking me up off the floor, and carrying me out of the store. Oh Lord forgive my arrogance, forgive me for believing this lie of entitlement. I have already been given the most precious gift, all I ever need. My inheritance is secure and my adoption is accepted. You are Lord.

One day all of creation will bow before you, Father help me to bow today.  Help me to surrender my life, my heart, my gifts, my mind, my time. It's not mine, and I need to stop acting like it is. Thank you for faithfully and graciously picking this sinful little child up off the floor, carrying me out of the store, and showing me, teaching me, growing me in knowing, loving, and worshiping you more. 

I have such a long way to go. My salvation is complete, my sanctification is in your hands. 

pre-coffee

Sometimes one of the ladies at work brings in her sweet little babe. He's my little buddy and "helps" me do my work. Today she had a meeting so i'm hanging out with the little man. He is the best part of Friday.

90% of this post was typed pre-coffee. A Barista at starbucks said he can tell if i'm pre-coffee or post-coffee when I come in. He said I looked haggard. I went to walk away and realized he just told me I look haggard. He said, "Aly, with how long it took you to realize that, you just proved my point".
"Thanks, just give me the coffee".

[Dear self, You are pretty good at pretending. You want to appear strong even when you are weak, but it robs you of gospel influence. When you lack transparency, people are left without the opportunity to encourage you where you need it most.] Joe Thorn

Here's the thing... Als, you think you're good at pretending. But really it's laughable. The walls you put up in your life and quick reply with the eager "I'm good! How are you?" The danger is with this is you might actually fool people. You can certainly convince the people in line at Starbucks. You might be able to muster up enough to trick the people that actually know you. But the problem is when you start to believe it yourself. You are eager to slap on a bandaid and work up a smile and believe it!

But my definition of "okay" is so far away from what Christ has for me. The problem with faking being okay is that not a mantra that you can say over and over and one day you will be. It's right up there with World Peace. Yes! It would be great, and it sounds sweet in a Miss America pageant but on our own it's not attainable. I'm screwed up past the bandaid phase. The sooner I stop trying to be something I can and never will be. The sooner I'm freed from believing the lies of the enemy that I NEED to be anything else.

The crazy thing is, that Jesus died for all my issues. He sees the Als I try to keep under wraps. And when I fail to see my need I fail to see my need for a savior.

[For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in times of need.]

Father, forgive me for wanting to fix a system that's not broken. Forgive me for trying to clean myself up before I come to you. Help me to come completely broken so that I can find complete renewal in you.

why is the lid smiling at me?

I can typically consume up to 6 cups of coffee a day. The problem is I also love a good deal. I'm a faithful Starbucks lover and spent three years of my life behind the counter there. But I heard this week that McDonalds has this deal where you get a large coffee and muffin for 2.00.  Desperate times call for desperate measures! I can barely get a tall Verona for that!  Needless to say I went to McDonalds and was handed a the biggest cup of hot coffee I've ever seen in my life and a muffin for 2.00. Amazing. I mean yes, it's weird that you're smelling fries in the drive-thru waiting for your coffee. Yes, I hate that the lid is smiling at you.  The muffin probably has 800 calories in it, and I still went and sat in the Starbucks parking lot and stole their wifi. All in all, McDonalds coffee is probably the best thing on their whole menu, and even though it's not replacing Starbucks anytime in my life it's a decent alternative.

Thank you Jesus for a cheap cup of coffee. Today I need you more then I need Starbucks or McDonalds.  This hot, black, delicious liquid might be the answer to my headache but your Word is the only answer to my wandering soul.

[For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.] 1 Cor. 13:12

Driving through the fog to work this morning I was reminded of this verse. It was impossible to see. I could see the two cars in front of me and nothing else.  I could have seen the two cars and said. Well those are the only important ones to see. And kept going at my continued speed and trusted completely, only  in what I could see. But everyone would agree that, that is a   foolish, dangerous, idea that is gauremteed to end badly.

Oh Father, forgive me for placing all my trust in the two cars ahead of me. For relying on my own strength and vision for the future. You're showing me glimpses of what it's like when you lift the fog and my heart is eager for that day. Make me dissatisfied with my tunnel vision, grant me grace to wait on you for clear direction. Make me most concerned with seeing you clearly before anything else.

Amen.