love is.

 

tiny piranhas

[Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts.]

I've always liked the imagery in that verse, "and I ate them". I picture a desperate, determined, hungry, needy person. At the first chance devouring scripture, knowing that his life depends on it. So aware of his need that he literally will eat them. I know the scriptures are not encouraging people to start literally eating their bibles. I can venture a guess that you wouldn't feel anymore holy and actually just probably feel like an idiot with a stomach ache. 

But with such vivid imagery Jeremiah is obviously trying to make a point. Throughout the Bible scripture is described as life giving. And I think that's what we're suppose to see here. "Your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart." There is a promise of satisfaction and joy when you're feasting on scripture. 

Father I don't have to tell you, because you know everything. But I confess that I've been feasting on many things, your word not being one of them. I've been eating up the opinions of others, words of friends or family. I've been drinking in culture, soaking up energy from its toxic promises. But most of all lately I've been wallowing, hungry, in the doorway of your banquet hall. You've welcomed me in and I can smell the delicious aroma's of your invitation. But I'm bogged down in my despair and self pity, too worn out to move. 

Jon Bloom writes on discouragement, [If we linger in discouragement it can be costly. Its sense of defeat and hopelessness saps us of energy and vision. It can consume a lot of time. It can keep us from doing what we need to do because we don’t want to face it. When we feel discouraged we want comfort, which is right to feel. But the comforts we often turn to are ways to avoid our fears rather than ways to muster our courage to face and overcome them. When this happens discouragement simply becomes sinful indulgence in unbelief, no different than indulging in lust or anger or other sins of unbelief.]

Father I want to thank you for your faithfulness to bring me out of this season of discouragement, not that it's fully gone, I don't know when it will be. It requires a daily, hourly, moment by moment fight somedays. Scotty Smith wrote a few days ago about days when it seems like you're swimming in a pool of tiny piranhas that are slowly nibbling away at your joy.  I cannot fight if I'm malnourished. I won't care to fight if I'm starving. I won't have the energy to get up and come to the table to feast if I'm not daily staying nourished. 

One of the pastors at my home church, David Smith said something in a prayer a long time ago that when we're cut by the world  we should be people who  bleed scripture, ooze the gospel. That is my prayer. Make me someone who prays before they act, listen before speak, read before they write. Make me one who needs, eats and bleeds scripture. Your grace meets me in my need, it is sweet and refreshing to my hungry soul. It's like the delicious appetizer that leads into the main course. Father I want to be like Jeremiah and depend upon scripture. I want it to be the only foundation for my joy.

be kind

I read once, "Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Initially I thought this had the sounds of a works based effort kind of success. Be a good person because, karma's going to get you. But the more I thought about it the more my heart broke at the truth of that statement. Isn't that how Jesus walked on this earth? Recognizing that everyone he met was broken, needing salvation, needing grace. People are fighting battles they never imagined they would be fighting. The death of a child, financial bondage, strained relationships, sickness, worry about the future, loneliness. No two battles should be compared because no two people are alike. By elevating your struggles you're minimizing theirs and treating other people as if "they just don't understand" or "this is harder for me" you're robbing them of the opportunity to experience rich grace. 

The most beautiful thing about grace is that it meets you directly in your need. [And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16] Unlike individual struggles and battles the grace doesn't differ from person to person. The gospel doesn't make light of need or hurt, no matter how big or small, Jesus is standing there, calling all who are weary, all who are broken hearted to come to him. Should this not shape how I love others? 

Should my view not be, "Be kind, be loving, extend grace, show mercy, because Christ loves that person and they need to be reminded of that. There in the trenches right now, they are fighting a hard battle."

Father forgive me for seeing my own needs above the needs of others. Forgive me for being quick to judge motives and forgetting that things are normally what they are, not what I think they might be. Help me to slow down and be patient with those people that are hard to be patient with. Guard my heart from discouragement, help me to look back on scripture and see the rich promises you fulfilled, help me to eagerly anticipate future fulfillment of your promises. I want to love like you do, and I can only do that if I'm looking to you, meditating on your word and depending on your grace. You are faithful, you are loving, you provide, your gospel does not change. Guard my heard against condemnation, because today I'm more aware of where I've failed in these areas then how you can redeem those failed attempts, selfish motives and bitter silence.

So today I'm coming to you low, realizing that I cannot handle today on my own. Comforted that your cross has crushed all condemnation and discouragement is merely a flashing arrow pointing me back to yourself. In you and only you does my soul find rest.

[May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has deliver us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son in whom we have redemption , the forgiveness of sins.] Colossians 1:11-14

You gave us a rainbow

Father the past few days I've been so thankful that your love for me isn't dependent on how I love you back. Hallelujah you don't give up on us as quickly as I give up on others. I get irritated and frustrated, bitter, offended, and take that as an excuse to wash my hands of it. When things get tough, relationships bend but that doesn't mean that they will break. You are the faithful healer and sustainer, you can redeem the most broken relationship, the deepest hurt, you and you alone can bring reconciliation. 

Father forgive me for putting to much hope in other people. Forgive me for heaping expectation on sinners and being surprised and offended by sin. Forgive me for not praying fervently for the broken, hurting people, in my life. Forgive me for selfishly thinking I don't have time to care or show the Gospel. 

This morning I'm coming low before your throne and pleading for those relationships in my life. Start in my heart Lord, give me a hunger for your Gospel reconciliation. My heart is prone to wander, so anchor my feet firmly on your solid rock so even though the hurricane of human offense and the emotional hailstorms will come, they will make me thankful for my anchor, not doubt the security of the rock. 

For those friends and family I know and love dearly who are walking through this hurricane season I pray that today you will shine more clear, more beautiful through the storm. I pray they would be able to stand up and realize that they are still standing firm on that rock. Though it feels like they've wandered and wavered, you're holding them steady. Peel back layers, days, weeks, years, of offense and hurt and reveal your Gospel. It's only through you that their heart can find rest. Lastly Lord give them hope, some of these storms have gone on forever and they've stopped looking, even longing for rescue. Bring relief, for your glory and your praise. Amen

Romans 5

[Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.]

tis' so sweet

[You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever.] Ps. 30:11-12 

Oh Lord, so often I miss the opportunity to dance. You clearly put deliverance in my path, rescue from dangers, temptations, and failings. Your promise is yes and amen, your plan is righteous and good. Your love is perfect and rich, full of mercy and grace. You've met my biggest need, you sent your son as a sacrifice, as a mediator to die in my place and bridge the gap my sin had made. 

This is the only deliverance I need, the only song my heart needs to dance. But it's a song my heart knows well, one that is so familiar it can loose its impact. Not that this deliverance becomes any less amazing, but my feet get tired of the same rhythm and I get less inspired by the melody. I let noise like fear and anxiety creep in and muddy the mix. I don't trust my heavenly Father for anything, but rather hunch under the weight of my sin and struggles and shuffle along. 

Edward Welch says this about the Lords faithful deliverance, "For his daily, less noticeable deliverance I want the spirit to open my eyes so I can be thankful. For his mighty acts that appear at the eleventh hour, I want grace to trust him. But these after-the-fact deliverance's? I hardly know what to ask. What if you actually went through your worst nightmare, what then? Where was the deliverance? It means that there will be lots of sorrow as we walk through life, but we aspire to know sorrow that is mingled with hope. For subjects of King Jesus, death and tragedy are never the last word. The goodness of our God is certain."

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame. -Hebrews 12:2

Sinner, deliverance is sweet, inheritance is yours, there may be sorrow but because of your Father it is always mingled with HOPE, your Father loves you and welcomes you, come and dance. 

getting to the heart of change

Change is a funny thing, we dread it, we crave it, we pray for it, we pray against it. Whatever the season, whatever the change it always seems to leave us feeling dazed and confused. For me personally change reveals a lot about my heart. I love control, I love predictability and preparation... I'm learning that after long seasons of waiting normally comes long seasons of change. Those very things like job security, finances, relationships, that you've been patiently waiting for the Lord to bring change in are finally happening and you realize control as you know it has come to an end.

 When you're waiting, it's a contentment issue, resting in the plan that your Father has for you. Being patient even when it feels like he's forgotten about your little life. When you're experiencing change, it's a contentment issue. You wonder if the Lord's playing a joke on you. Like okay, I know I whined about being stagnant but you didn't have to give me a hurricane. All it takes is one small thing piled on top of another small thing and all of a sudden you're drowning in a sea of doubt and unbelief.

In those seasons I kind of feel like praying, look Father, I know you have a sense of humor,  but really? Anything else you care to throw in the mix? International move, messy church splits, sickness, unknown test results, unreconciled relationships, new relationships, financial struggles, just to name a few. There are moments when  I just stop and read the Psalms and think, I get it (hardly) this man had no easy life. But David was faithful to cry out for protection and peace, for strength and for grace reminds me that, my Father loves. He hears burnt out, afraid, hurting, bitter, angry, exhausted, hopeless, wandering people. He promises rest, mercy and grace for those who ask.  It's a heart issue not a circumstance issue, it's not a matter of waiting or change, not a matter of difficulty or ease... it is about your heart.

 Father forgive me for being quick to let life overwhelm and cloud my view of your gospel. Forgive me for forgetting that those things are meant to point me to you, seeing you more powerful and greater then those things. I pray for my family and friends who are hurting, and struggling to believe that precious truth. That you died to save them, their greatest need has been met and you supply all we need for the day. Help us be people of faith, in your name, amen.

Your will, not mine.

That's a prayer I have prayed many times. Growing up submerged in church culture,  incredibly familiar with the trending new Hillsongs album and the messages on living your life for Christ, and this idea of running the race with endurance. I'm not old by any means, but I have been around the track a few times. There have been times where I boldly claim, "Your will not mine." It's typically coming off of a spiritual high where I feel like nothing can touch me, "to live is Christ! To die is gain! " A successful missions trip or a passionate prayer meeting, it's bundled with an eager expectation or excitement about what he can do.

 But the longer I run this track I see that you can't prepare for the stabbing cramps that creep up your sides, or the bitter wind that burns in your chest and stings your eyes. The pure exhaustion that takes over your body. Those moments when the idea of endurance seems like a far fetched wives tale. You're out of options, your months of planning and training are all worthless  You've been backed into a corner of desperation and  it comes out in almost a whisper, "Father, I can't do this, your will not mine." God, you are faithful father, you strengthen and give courage to the broken. No matter how convincing our failing bodies may be you will not let us fall.

You are the life giving Creator, orchestrating every detail, every breath, no matter how shallow or weathered. Father, lead me to the cross, show me your love, your sacrifice, your fulfillment of every promise you ever made. Help me get my eyes off my circumstances and onto your son. The sacrifice you made so that I can have relationship with you. Father, make me a needy person, make me dependent on you for strength for the day, for every breath, for every step, for every mile, looking to you, the living water.  Father, your will not mine.

[Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine. Season by season I watch him amazed, in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways I can't remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain. I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me]